Why My Mental Health Made Me Feel Like A Fraud

I’m gonna be real with you: I feel like a fraud.

I re-shared my PPD story a couple of weeks ago and yet, I haven’t talked about my recent struggles.

The pandemic has been rough. Back in the spring, I wasn’t well. I didn’t talk about it because I felt guilty knowing that other people “have it much worse than I do”.

I do this thing, where I convince myself I don’t have the right to be honest with others about my feelings because they aren’t “bad enough”. I suppose I feel that by opening up I will suck up all the support and leave none for the people who "really need it". 🙄

Honestly, when I think about it, it makes no sense.

Because, the truth is, every time I’ve pulled back the curtain on my life, no matter the level of hardship, it seems to empower others to do the same.

Enough experience with this phenomenon has me believing that vulnerability is contagious, and once present, it connects us at a depth that is otherwise untouchable. As they say, “with great risk comes great reward”.

Unfortunately, back in June, I wasn’t taking any risks. In return, I didn’t get to experience the level of support I desperately craved. I became increasingly anxious, to the point that it felt impossible to live in the present moment.

Status quo wasn’t going so well for me and I knew something had to change.

I turned to what has worked in the past - nature. I took long walks on the dykes most evenings. It felt good to move my body and breathe fresh air, but once I set foot back indoors the crappy feelings and thoughts returned.

Though I made small gains, my remedy wasn’t working as effectively as I needed it to.

Time to call in the pros.

Long story short, I ended up with a much-needed prescription from my doctor and some great advice from my therapist (“take control of the things you CAN take control of”). Those things, combined with plenty of nature and reconnecting myself to the outer world, have me back on my feet, surviving, but not yet thriving.

I’m sharing this chapter of my story 7 months later than I wish I had, with hopes that together we can keep chipping away at the stigma.

We deserve that untouchable level of connection. 

How are you doing right now?
If you need support please check out Free Mental Health Resources for Moms in Greater Vancouver.

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